Once upon a time, in a big city, a girl in her mid-twenties had only had one serious relationship. There was no other person involved, but many textbooks and notes. This poor girl barely went out. She believed no one would like her, but she did not realise there was no app where she could order a boyfriend. What she had heard about was dating apps and she decided to download some of them so that she would know which one she preferred. Her goal was very simple: getting one like from a guy in order to prove to herself that, indeed, she was likeable. It sounds like a rom-com trailer, right? Well, it is actually a horror movie.
I am that girl. Unbelievable, I know. I am far from naive, but I have always longed for a traditional relationship: meeting my soulmate, falling in love with him, getting married, having a family of my own and living happily ever after. My own parents have been my role model in regards to relationships and this has been their journey since 1980. Never in my life have I seen someone approach their crush in person and I have never met anyone my age whose love life was somewhat stable. Why was this happening? Was everything I wanted in love out of style? No wonder dating apps were the obvious solution for me.
I was pleasantly surprised when I got not one, but hundreds of likes. Had I become a femme fatale overnight or had I always had this secret superpower? The experience was exceeding my expectations. Now, looking back, I think dating apps should come with an instructions manual, for everything that happens after matching with other people is freaking scary. The process is supposed to be the following: you start chatting with a match and, if you vibe with them, you two go on a date and see what happens. But truth be told, more often than not you realise you would rather live in a desert island than go on a second date with that person.
So you do the process all over again, and again, and again. And once you understand dating apps are not serving you, you delete them. One of the many problems with these apps is that you find yourself re-downloading them a few weeks or months later out of pure boredom and your remaining hope. After all that trial and error, you are emotionally and energetically drained. And you cry, like a lot, so you have to reassure your mother it is not because of this or that guy, but because of all the disappointments you have experienced while trying to find Mr. Right through the screen of your phone. How exhausting it is to give your all and receive less than the bare minimum.
We should face the fact that, except for a handful of case studies, dating apps just want to make people feel miserable while taking their money, although I have already mentioned that nothing is happening in real life either. Maybe we will age with the only company of cats, even those who do not like cats. Or maybe every decent man out there will prove that the taxi cab theory from Sex and the City is real and they will all choose to get married at the same time. For now I do not have an answer nor do I care because I am just so tired of all the ghosting and failed attempts, of all the seemingly different guys who end up being the exact same person.
As a 90’s baby, I am super proud of our generation with the exception of our crazy romantic relationships. Not to sound like a pick me girl, but the fact that certain things are common in these relationships does not make them normal, so I just want to focus on my goals and my main one is being happy, growing in as many ways as possible. Of course I hope I find my person one day, but I am not expecting it. For now, and like Ariana Grande said, “baby girl, it's just me and you”.
© Doval | 20th Century Fox, HBO and Prime Video
